Dating a Middle Class Thai Woman

I read a lot of websites and many say dating a middle class Thai woman is impossible and most foreigners end up with poor women from the bars of Pattaya or the farmlands of Essan. Whilst in the past this may have been true I would say it is becoming more a stereotype and not a reality. Dating a middle class Thai woman is more common, especially for those foreigners who live in Thailand.

Most stories of dating Thai woman involve long distance internet relationships or meeting someone whilst in Thailand on vacation. Whilst it is true that some of these people meet middle class woman, the reality is that most met in this method will be in bars or those looking for an escape from poverty. Living here over time makes it easier to meet women from all social backgrounds and I want to share my experience with my girlfriend, who is middle class.

What is Middle Class in Thailand?

I guess this is a good place to start, defining middle class in Thailand. It is of course worth noting that middle class in Thailand may not match middle class in your home country. I’m from the UK and in terms of monthly income, a middle class Thai would be a poor person in England.

Middle class Thais have decent, respectable jobs, many have university educations and some have experience studying abroad. You will find them working in offices or perhaps as employees in international companies. They certainly wont be working in a Pattaya bar or massage shop.

In terms of salary they will be earning roughly 20,000 to 40,000 Baht a month  ($600 to $1,200). With this kind of income they are able to buy cars, condos and low-mid standard houses. They are able to afford to travel abroad with Japan being the most popular choice for most. They can pay the bill in a restaurant and treat themselves with the odd shopping spree. Many foreign English teachers in Thailand make a salary of around 35-40K THB and survive so you can see this is a reasonable standard of living for middle class Thais.

There are of course a lot of Thai women earning over 40K a month and I wouldn’t consider them all Hi-So. Many doctors, engineers and managers earn between 50-80K a month and although they have more buying power they still act in a similar way to middle class women. I would say these people fall into the upper-middle class.

The middle class has been rapidly expanding in the past decade or so with the growing economy and increase in university study. However, culturally a lot of people in the middle class stick to social norms such as living at home with their parents and following family values. Many will still be traditional although the younger generation are more open to foreign culture and traditions than the previous generation.

Dating a Middle Class Thai Woman

So back on topic of dating a middle class Thai woman, we now know the profile of the type of woman I’m talking about. She probably works in an office, has a degree and makes enough money to buy a condo and a car. So why is it so many people say it isn’t possible to date this kind of Thai woman?

Middle Class Thai Women Don’t Like Foreigners –  Many people say that it is only the poor Thai women who like foreigners but I can honestly say this statement is a load of rubbish. There are Thai women at all levels of society who like foreigners and others who don’t. Its the same all around the world, physical attraction and love can take many different forms.

As I said earlier there is a stereotype that foreigners date poor women as the men want a beautiful woman and the woman wants financial security.  Its a win-win situation. In reality though there are many middle class women who want to date foreigners. I can’t say that none of these women have a financial aim but most have more than enough to live on without need of a sponsor. They are sincere in their feelings and are in loving relationships.

I work in an office where everyone is middle class (with a couple of Hi-So) and I can tell you that pretty much all of the women find foreign men attractive. That isn’t to say that they would date a foreigner but the interest is certainly there. Also there are about 10 women in my office who use online dating and apps to meet foreigners.

There are also several ladyboys working in my office and honestly I can say the difference between them and the ladyboys hunting the streets of Pattaya and lower Sukhumvit is huge. So again if you are looking for a ladyboy girlfriend you are much better meeting a middle class ladyboy than one in the tourist areas.

It Isn’t Socially Acceptable To Date a Foreigner – Again there is a rhetoric put out by many foreigners who say that Thai women in the middle and upper classes face a social pressure not to date foreigners.

The image most people have of Thai women is the Thai bride or prostitute. The idea of an old foreigner and a young Thai woman. When Thais see this they understand the situation and to be honest people do judge. However, younger Thai women in the middle class are more open to dating foreigners close to their age.

Walk around shopping malls and you will see many Thai / foreign couples of a similar age. These are more accepted by society. There is a 6 year gap between me and my girlfriend and nobody has ever said anything negative about our relationship. We sometimes get stared at but then we don’t live in a tourist area so it is quite odd for people to see foreigners.

I think we can safely say that when there is a loving relationship between people of a similar age there is no social pressure. Where there is a big age gap then things are less clear, even if the relationship is true. Overall though most Thai women in the middle class will look to date some around their age.

It Is Impossible to Meet Middle Class Thai Women – I have to laugh quite hard at this reason. As I said above middle class women do use online dating and apps to meet foreigners but perhaps they have more reserved pictures so don’t catch the eye of the average foreigner out for a holiday fling or a webcam “buddy”.
A lot of people seem to meet their Thai girlfriend whilst on holiday and this means there is a high chance this is at a bar, club or tourist area which aren’t the best places to meet middle class Thai women. I came to Thailand a few times on vacation and the closest I came to middle class women was the reception staff at the 5* hotel I stayed at. Most middle class women will be in offices away from the tourist zones so hooking up whilst on holiday is difficult.

I feel it is only when you live in Thailand that you get the chance to really meet and date middle class Thai women. Once here you will get to know a wide section of society. I lived in a mid level condo (13K a month) and it gave me the chance to meet people. I work in an office where staff make 20K -60K  a month and our other branches are the same. When you are here you will get the chance to meet these women and will know they don’t go to tourist areas.

What is it Like Dating a Middle Class Thai Woman?

I guess I am lucky I have only ever had one Thai girlfriend. I pretty quickly realized that there are lots of different types of people in Thailand and not everyone has good intentions. It made me take things slowly and find the right girl for me. I knew that bars and clubs weren’t the way to go and I met my girlfriend the good old fashioned way, face to face rather than using an App or dating site. Living here meant we could take things slowly, we knew each other about 6 months before officially being together. Below I’ll tell you more about dating a middle class Thai woman.

My Girlfriend – My girlfriend, Nook, was 20 when I met her and I was 26. She was finishing her final year of university and had just come back to Thailand following a year in New York. With near perfect English we were able to talk and had a lot of things in common. After graduating she became a private tutor and makes around 35K a month at the moment. We currently live together – check out my article Moving In With My Thai Girlfriend

Meeting – We actually met in a shopping mall in the outskirts of Bangkok. There are many places you can meet women in Thailand but I have found through work, leisure activities and networking events you have the greatest chance.

Dating – Our first few dates were at parks, restaurants and the cinema. All of these took place in the afternoon/evening and were finished by 8 or 9pm each time. Nook always offered to split the bill during these dates and although I picked up the tab when eating I appreciated her buying snacks and drinks whilst we were out.

A lot of the time I hear from friends or read online that Thai women will pay for nothing, they wont even pay for a bottle of water when out on a date. From talking with the women in my office and my experience with my girlfriend I can say this is not true with most middle class women. Whilst a lot do expect the man to pick up the tab, they are willing to offer and to pay for small things and don’t expect “taxi money” to get home.

Money – I wrote an article, Money Issues With a Thai Partner which covers most things about money issues with Thai women but I want to be a bit more specific in terms of dating a middle class Thai woman.

Most middle class women here will make enough money to fund their lifestyle. They have a decent standard of living but there is of course the chance they want more. You might have money issues when dating a middle class Thai woman but for me I haven’t faced this problem with Nook. Most of these women know their financial limit and won’t do things they can’t afford to do. Many of my colleagues also follow these principles and towards the end of the month cut back to save where necessary. However, if you decide to take your girlfriend back home for a vacation then you must accept that you will have to foot a large part of the bill. The value of their money outside of Thailand diminishes rapidly. 5 days in Japan is not a problem but flights half way around the world and high costs in Europe / USA will be impossible for most  middle class Thai women to afford.

In my relationship we are quite open when it comes to money. I hear a lot of foreign men saying you shouldn’t tell your Thai partner your salary or income but I think it isn’t justified if you’re in a good relationship. We know what we have and spend accordingly. We set savings goals and put money aside for things like holidays and major purchases.

When it comes to our day to day living I have my own money and Nook has her own money. There is no expectation that either party will pay for the other. When dating a middle class Thai woman I honestly think there is no reason why you would need to give her an allowance. Middle Class Thai women have enough money to live to a decent standard. This is obviously not to say that it is wrong to treat your girlfriend, buy presents for her or to help out but the fact that some men give these women a 10-20K a month allowance is absurd to me.

For holidays I normally cover around two thirds of the cost and Nook picks up the rest. It is a formula that works well and we are both happy with. When we go out to eat we normally split the cost or take turns to pay for each other. It is nice to treat someone but also nice when it is returned. I cant imagine being in a relationship where I would be expected to pick up every bill and pay for every item we buy.

Culture – Whilst there is still a lot of pressure for middle class Thai women to follow traditions and local culture I would say many are more open to other countries than previous generations.

My girlfriend lived in America and has visited New Zealand so has an advantage over many others when experiencing other cultures. However, many middle class workers will have experience through their job or education of foreign culture. Some will have foreign bosses, work in international companies or get to go on overseas work trips. Others will have studied languages at school.

I would say as a whole Thai people have a poor general knowledge of world events as education in Thai schools focuses on Thai issues rather than world affairs. Students just copy, they never discuss or learn so even middle class women might not know much about the outside world or foreign cultures. As I said above though it is more likely that these women have been abroad, worked with foreigners or in an international company than women from rural areas which may mean they have slightly more experience of foreign culture.

Many women from poor areas don’t have experience of foreign cultures. Bar girls do but only meet with guys who hit the bars, probably not the best members of society if you’re looking for the best parts of western culture……

Language – I guess most foreigners don’t speak Thai, and if they do, not enough to have a full conversation. This means you will be looking for a Thai girlfriend who can speak a decent amount of English.

To be honest bar girls do have the advantage here that they get a lot of exposure to the English language and can probably speak more than most Thais. For this reason it is easy to see an attraction for many men as a lot of Thais are very shy when it comes to English.

Whilst a lot of middle class Thai women can’t speak great English, the likelihood is that they will speak better English than a girl from a rural area. This isn’t always the case but in the cities, or working in a larger company means that English is more important, especially with ASEAN.

Meeting Family – I’m sure you love your girlfriend but would you really want to introduce an ex bar girl to your family? Well luckily she probably wont get a visa to visit your home country so chance are you don’t need to worry about it.

Dating a middle class Thai woman means you will be able to take your partner back to your home country. The likelihood of getting visa approval is much higher as she will have a job to come back to, acceptable monthly income, and a reason to come back to Thailand. Getting a UK visa for Nook was simple, one application no problems.

Perhaps your family or friends will come to Thailand to meet you and if you are happy explaining your girlfriends past in a bar or show then fair enough but for me I couldn’t imagine doing so. You might be happy talking sweet nothings with your girlfriend but I have no idea how they would interact with your family.

My parents visited about a year ago and met Nook for the first time. It was great for them to meet her and with her experience and life skills they were able to talk about all types of topics. We will be going to the UK later this year and Nook will meet the rest of my family (she has already spoken to many on Skype).

Whilst researching information for getting the UK visa I used this excellent guide on TheThailandLife.com and I was surprised by how many men were looking at bringing current and ex prostitutes to the UK, especially ones they had just met for a couple of weeks whilst on vacation. It wasn’t a surprise to see how many of them had visa rejections. Also you can see in the comments sections the people who were accepted were people with decent jobs, condos and prior travel applications.

My Girlfriend’s Responsibilities – My girlfriend does have a lot of responsibilities which we have to consider as part of our relationship.

Firstly, as with a lot of Thai women, she has to support her mother. This means financial support, normally around 3K a month. Without this her mum would really struggle so there is no option here and this will be something Nook has to keep doing for the rest of her life. The amount will also likely have to increase when her mum stops doing her part time job.

Secondly Nook has to pay for her mum and brother’s accommodation and utility bills. They live in the same rented house where Nook tutors. In this case the 10K a month cost of the rent and bills is offset by the income she makes from tutoring. Still this is a significant chunk of her income. I would say a lot of middle class women still have financial responsibilities towards their family and as a partner you can chose to help with this.

I pay for our condo but Nook does pay the electricity bill which is around 1,250 a month. This is something she asked to do and wasn’t something I asked her to do. Again some of my friends live with their Thai partners and have never been offered anything by their partner when it comes to bills.

So you can see with these 3 monthly payments she has around 21K left which is still a decent amount but is certianly a big drop from the initial 35K. I guess if you look at the percentage it is just over 35% spent on these which is a similar percentage of income that most people would spend on their rent in the UK.

My Opinion on Dating a Middle Class Thai Woman

I can honestly say that for me dating a middle class Thai woman is a much better situation than dating a bar girl or someone from a rural area. I don’t mean to sound snobby or disrespectful but in terms of personality, culture and general lifestyle, dating a bar girl or a girl who has lived in the middle of nowhere her whole life will lead to misery for you on most occasions.

Dating a middle class Thai woman opens up the possibility of world travel, moving easily to your country and development for both partners. You are more likely to find someone open to your culture and able to talk with you. You will have a partner with dreams of their own (not just dreaming of owning a Gucci bag…). I lived a middle class lifestyle in the UK and I didn’t move to Thailand to have a worse quality of life – I want my partner to be the same.

Maybe I am just a lucky guy to have found my girlfriend and that she has ambition, integrity and dreams of her own but I certainly wouldn’t think of dating a girl from a bar or from the middle of nowhere. I think a lot of guys rush into things with the first beautiful woman they see in Thailand but honestly, take your time and you can find a great woman.