Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. Depression among expats in Thailand isn’t overly talked about. It only seems to come out when another story of suicide is plastered over news pages. When this happens people come up with phrases like, “Oh he’s joined the flying club” or “Shouldn’t have married a girl like her”. The problem is it isn’t difficult to see how expats can become depressed here in the land of smiles. And, I’m not just talking about guy meets girl breaks heart and loses money depression.
I’ve not reached the level of depression but I’ve certainly felt really blue several times here especially over the last year or so. I’m lucky that I’ve got people to talk to and things to help but for some people there is nothing from stopping them getting into a really bad way. Some people aren’t so lucky. This is the land of smiles so what can make people feel anything but happy here?
Support Network
A revolving door of friends coming and going means it’s difficult to build up a support network even if you do have a partner here. Sometimes you need to talk to someone other than your wife or husband.
Most people I meet here end up being in Thailand for just a few years before moving on. It makes finding real friendship difficult. If you have a small problem then you can have a chat with people you know but if it’s a big issue then you need someone you can trust. You also might not have someone who sees your regularly and notices changes in your behavior which show you’re upset or depressed.
Sometimes you need someone from your own country. One of the main reasons I left my previous job was that none of my colleagues were from the UK. There were 7 Americans and me in the office and whilst I have nothing against people from the US I just felt like an outsider and the odd one out. It left me feeling pretty shitty at work. None of the people did anything bad to me but I just felt pretty alone. This is I guess being homesick but I felt it big time just in a work related way. I missed the chance to talk about things from home with people I could relate to.
For whatever reason a lot of expats can find themselves isolated. Talking to friends or family on Skype isn’t the same as having a face to face conversation. I guess as we decided to move here a lot of us think that talking about problems could be us admitting we made a mistake to come in the first place. Nobody likes to admit failure or give up but sometimes if we had a support network we might be able to work around it.
Toxic Expats and Online Bullying
Sometimes it feels like being in Thailand is pretty similar to being in the school playground. Gangs of people hang out together, some you’ll get on with whereas others will try to corrupt you or bully you.
The main contributors to bullying are those who spend their days online trolling and offensively commenting on everything for the sake of it. People use websites and forums in Thailand to help with their life, discuss issues and perhaps find friends. Writing on this site and a few others means I get comments on my articles which I appreciate but sometimes these go over the top and make me feel worthless and shitty. The same happens on social media from time to time.
I control the comments on this site as a lot of what comes through is spam, however there are also a lot of comments which are little more than verbal attacks on me. It’s understandable if someone doesn’t agree with my point of view or wants to criticize but the below is an example of a comment I’ve received which I feel crosses the line.
” I would like to see one of these “pitty retires” come and give you the pasting you deserve. I would help them. Go home little pup with your tail between your legs because you know fuck all about this place you little cunt.”
I’ve had many more like this but have deleted them as they aren’t exactly nice to read. I’ve also seen similar behavior against myself and others on forums / websites / social media. Imagine getting something like the above when you’re already feeling down. Kids have killed themselves from online bullies, how long before an expat does the same here because of these online trolls in Thailand?
A lot of people would say the answer is not to write online or use expat social media but the issue is that 90% of people I interact with are perfectly reasonable, nice people. It just seems that some people enjoy being the bully for whatever reason.
Money
I think most expats here have had a time when money is tight. When you first arrive it’s an adventure to last a few days before payday but when you’ve been here a while and it happens month after month it becomes more difficult.
A lot of people sell the dream that Thailand is cheap to live in and in reality that isn’t always the case. I’ve had a few months where I’ve panicked over running out of money. I’ve felt embarrassed that I couldn’t join my friends before for a meal as it cost too much. I had one time where I spent hours debating whether I should order a pizza as it was 300 baht and, at that time, I thought that was a lot of money. Thailand isn’t the cheapest place in the world and I can only imagine the stress that some expats go through in terms of providing for themselves and family here.
Some people joke about the easiest way to make a million baht here is to start with two million. The idea that a lot of foreign owned businesses are risky and likely to fail is a widespread belief. Whatever the reason for a business failing there will be someone upset. The idea of mocking someone is pretty crappy but it happens here.
Regardless of your opinion of being in a relationship with Thai people I think a lot of expats are quick to jump on the back of the foreigner who loses out financially. They’re probably feeling bad enough without the need to shove their failure down their throats. Of course there were probably warning signs they ignored, perhaps that’s down to a lack of a support network. Seeing suicides due to relationship money issues is sad, it’s a shame there isn’t more support available for these people.
Lack of Professional Help
There are options in Thailand for people who are depressed or need someone to talk to. The problem is there isn’t the awareness of these services as in expat’s home countries.
ThailandStarterKit wrote a great article about finding help for mental health issues which has contact details for major charities and organizations. Check it out or give it a save for the future.
Expat Community
In some ways the expat community in Thailand should help each other more. This could be by being a little more friendly to each other or just checking in with friends more often.
We don’t need to become some communal organization but I feel we don’t help each other enough. I’m pretty sure a large portion of expats here have felt either homesick, blue or depressed, let’s be a little nicer to each other. Mental health issues are important and in most cases people can be helped. We’re all here living in Thailand and times can be tough, let’s look out for each other.
A very honest article. Some very good points brought up
Thanks!
Well said. I use to dislike people moaning about Thailand because i have the feeling that while they are enjoying with things they dont have at home ( girls, fun, food..etc), they pretend to be also at home ( security, infrastructure… etc).
In my opinnion if you dont like it, go home and stop moaning.
Your post in the other hand is objective and usefull. I dont see any moaning there.
this whole moaning whining is just another lazy expat who can’t accept the fact that are some of us are really struggling here…This “go home if you don’t like it here” is simple lazy, unempathetic thinking…things can be complicated
As a couple planning on retiring in 5 years, we are looking at the Chiang Mai outskirts. We plan on living in Thailand for 6 months of the year and the remainder back on Cape Cod in our vacation home in the US. We’re trying to find a happy balance between cost of living and enjoying the last 20 to 25 years of our lives.
Are there any retirement/assisted living communities in Thailand for advanced aging? Is there a book or guide on the subject of aging in place for expats in Thailand? Won’t need it for 25 years but would find it helpful for planning.
Hmm, maybe I should write a blog or book on the subject. 😉
Sounds nice to do the trip between the two countries, think that’s what I’ll end up doing too.
In terms of assisted living there are a few I’ve heard of in Chiang Mai, if you Google “Chiang MAi Assisted Living” you’ll find them. Think prices start from around 45,000 THB pp per month for food and accommodation and more for the care you need.
There are also a couple of websites and books about retiring in Thailand. I havent read any as a non-retiree but again a few show up on Google. Feel free to check out my book, Settling in Thailand, which has interviews with retirees in Thailand. and advice for people looking to retire in Thailand