Moving In With My Thai Girlfriend

Moving in with my Thai girlfriend was an easy decision to make. We had been together for around 18 months when we decided to make it official and live together. The process wasn’t simple and there were several unexpected obstacles for both us before we actually made the move. We have been living together since around the middle of February and I want to share my experience so you can see what it is like to live with your Thai partner full time.

Before The Move

Don’t rush it! – Before we moved in together we had been together for around 18 months. Over that time my girlfriend stayed at my place maybe 2 or 3 nights a week. The gradual build up of nights made it easier to transition into full time. I hear about many people who move in with their Thai girlfriend within a few weeks or months and am not surprised that some have problems.

Over time you can get to know each other better. Sure if you meet a few evenings a week for a dinner date you chat but you don’t really know each other’s habits. I don’t just mean her habits but also that she can see yours. It’s a two way thing and you are just as likely to cause problems as she is. By spending a couple of nights together over a 1 year period I was able to adapt to living with my girlfriend. It also meant that we felt more comfortable together and got to know each other better.

This can be said for many relationships but especially here in Thailand people do seem to take things a lot quicker with their partner than in the west.

Agree to move in – This is another one which can occur anywhere in the world but I’ve heard about it many times in Thailand. Often your girlfriend will stay at your place and overtime she will bring more and more things with her. Before you know it you are living together without even talking about it!

Make sure you talk things through and agree to move in, don’t just let it happen as then it can become awkward for both parties if you need to change the arrangement. A couple of my friends have had problems with girls bringing over firstly their toothbrush and then half their wardrobe the next visit – it could happen to you.

Location, location, location – Obviously this is a big one when it comes to where to live. My girlfriend was renting a house and I had bought a condo so we had a choice of where to live. We both work in the same area and the house and condo are easy commutes. However, maybe you are your girlfriend work in very different places and living together might inconvenience one partner.

This means you might have to find a new place to live, midway between your offices. Moving house is stressful -think is it time that you really want to live together and is it worth the hassle of moving? You might also be moving away from an area that you really enjoy and although it may seem selfish you might not be ready to move into the suburbs away from friends, public transport and western style shops.

Can two people live in a condo? – So you find an area that is suitable or maybe you think your current place is OK but but need to think whether a condo is big enough for two people to live in. As I said above we had the choice of a house or a condo and as I had bought my condo we decided to move into it together. We still keep the house rented but that is for my girlfriend’s mother and brother (more on that later….).

So maybe you think it is possible to live in a condo. I think it is possible but it may be too small for many people. My condo is 64sq metres with a big lounge, kitchen and spare bedroom for storage etc. In my opinion I wouldn’t want to live in anything smaller if I lived with someone else. Moving in with my Thai girlfriend, I was surprised to see all the belongings she had compared to me. With all the bits and pieces you will quickly fill a 30-40sq metre condo.

Also you will then need to think about your budget – a 50sq metre + condo isn’t cheap. That will lead many to look into renting or buying a house. Rental prices are reasonable for houses outside the centre of cities and tourist destinations. You can get a reasonable (unfurnished) house 15km from central Bangkok for around 8,000 Baht a month. The same prices apply to Pattaya and Chiang Mai too.

I guess you will need to have a good think about things and whether you really can keep that convenient central condo or need to be more realistic and move out of the centre of town.

Her Family – Although it isn’t applicable for all Thai women, it is necessary to talk about her family if she is living with them. She may have a financial commitment to them and need to pay their rent (or make a contribution to it). This was the case for my girlfriend and she still has to pay 6,000 Baht a month rent for the family house and pay all their utility bills despite not living there.

You may be thinking that your girlfriend can contribute towards bills and rent when you are living together but that might not be possible in reality. The extra 5,000 Baht a month for a bigger condo or a house will have to be footed by you and with 2 people living in your place the utility bills will go up.

The last thing you want to do is put stress and pressure on your Thai girlfriend as she will want to live with you but knows she has to support the family. It can put her in an awkward position as her family relies on her and she doesn’t want to let you down. Also many families believe the woman should only leave the family house when she is married so it could be her family putting pressure on her to stay.

Your Intentions – Another big one here but, rightly or wrongly, foreigners have a reputation of playing the field and maybe not settling down with one girl. This is especially true with younger guys and new arrivals. So, if you arrive and fall in love with a girl, don’t move in until you know it is a serious relationship that you want. I know of a few people who have had to run away during the day to move into a new place to get away from a partner when they have broken up. The hassle, arguments and lost deposits are not worth it – don’t rush into moving in with someone if your intentions aren’t serious.

Bills – As I said before there are often money constraints that many Thai women face. For example, it wasn’t until after almost a year together that I found out my girlfriend was spending about 50% of her salary paying the full rent and utility bills for her mother and brother. She is the youngest in her family and I hadn’t thought that she would be solely responsible for this cost. I wrote an article previously – Money Issues With a Thai Partner – which is worth a read to see what other financial burdens your girlfriend might have before moving in.

So it is obviously a must to have a full frank conversation about money before you move in. Whilst you might expect a minimal contribution from your girlfriend you may see that even that might not happen. I pay back 30,000 Baht a month for my purchased condo and then my utility bills before my girlfriend moved in were around 2,500 a month. My girlfriend has offered to split the utility bills with me but due to her family circumstances I don’t accept it and pay everything myself.

Moving Day

So the big day has come and it is time to move in together. As I’m sure you all know moving house is one of the most stressful thing you can do. Doing it in a hot country where everything doesn’t go as smoothly as planned only makes it more interesting! So what can you do to make the day go better?

Little by little – When I was moving in with my Thai girlfriend I made sure we did several little moves before the final big one. Being around an 80 Baht taxi ride away from each other made this much easier and we did a few journeys with the basics before the big items came in the final taxi.

I guess the majority of people in this situation wont have a car and taxis are likely to be your only choice. The other option you have is to see if your girlfriend’s friends have cars and if they would be willing to help you. There are teams who rent out pickup trucks and guys to help move your things. As an example my girlfriend’s mum moved from another rented house to the family house and paid around 3,000 Baht for the service.

Contracts – In my time in Thailand I have lived in four different buildings. Each time the contract has been in Thai (although one did provide a Google translated version). This means that you need to put a bit of trust into your agent or girlfriend to go through the details with you. when I see one of these contracts the numbers are the only thing I can understand. As these are the most important things you can ask about the details for rent, deposits, fees, moving in/out dates and the length of notice required for moving out.

Of course, moving in with my Thai girlfriend meant I already had a translator there that I could fully trust and who could explain all the details to me.

What goes where? – As I’m sure most of you will expect when it comes to deciding where to put things there can be disagreements. The main issue I had with my girlfriend was where to put clothes. I think she has enough clothes to open a small shop and with one small wardrobe in my bedroom we had an instant problem.

Having lived in New York for a year she had every imaginable item to cover every temperature from minus 10 to +40 degrees! As I’m sure you can guess, most of these hadn’t been used in a while and the idea of a clear out was scandalous to her – “What if we go to a cold place!”

Luckily I have 2 bedrooms and my second room has now been turned into a walk in wardrobe for my girlfriend. We have a new wardrobe, mirror and drawers for all her things. In the end she is happy with it and I get to keep my wardrobe for my things. However, this could be a problem for those of you with 1 bedroom and just a single wardrobe and drawer unit.

After clothes you will also need to be prepared to lose your bathroom space and for a million fluffy things to be put all around – from toys to pillows Thai women love anything soft and fluffy.

Living Together

So you got through moving day which should be the most stressful part of moving but then now you have to start living together full time – here is what to expect.

Her Family – So back to the family again. After dating your Thai girlfriend you should know that family is important. From chatting to each other every day to sending money back to family members every month, most Thai women are really close to their family. However that can mean that you get family visits frequently which is ok but could become a problem. One of my friends tells me about how his girlfriend invites her mother over during the day and she ends up staying days on end. My friend got really pissed off with this situation and it seemed his girlfriend didn’t understand why. This difference in culture is something which could affect you and it is something you should talk about.

We don’t do it like that in Thailand – Doing chores is important and keeping a place clean is too. I would say a lot of western guys, myself included, maybe aren’t up to the task of keeping a place spotless and clean all the time. If the dishes have been in the sink a few hours it is fine by me and if I haven’t swept the floor since last weekend it isn’t an issue. However, for my Thai girlfriend these were big problems. It seems many Thai people are more obsessed by cleaning than foreigners – the floor should be swept daily and dishes done straight away. Also if I don’t take my shoes off straight away at the front door I get a telling off. Whilst I see the logic of these things it has taken a bit of getting used to – especially the shoe thing as we don’t have carpet in my place.

Showers – Thailand is hot and having a shower 2 or 3 times a day is fine by me. However my Thai girlfriend, and I’m sure many other Thais, spends on average 45 minutes in the shower each time. It’s actually something we laugh and joke about and it gives me time to play some video games or watch a short TV show so it’s fine. However I still find it strange that she needs so long every time and I’m just pleased water bills are so cheap here!

On the contrary I know she finds it strange that I can shower in 5 minutes. It does mean we need to plan to start getting ready about 1 hour 30 minutes before we plan to go anywhere which means a lot of sitting around for me.

Food – When I lived alone I would eat a mixture of Thai and western food. I couldn’t give up my favorite food from back home as much as I love Thai food.

Moving in with my Thai girlfriend, I knew I would be able to keep eating my favorite food as she lived in America and enjoys western food. We have a healthy balance and maybe eat Thai 5 days a week and western 2 days a week. However many Thai women don’t like foreign food (“it’s not delicious, not spicy and not healthy”). In this case you will either be spending your time eating Thai food or have to cook / order 2 different meals.

It can cause problems and you will have to make compromises to live happily together.

Am I the problem? – My girlfriend lets me get away with lots of things. I can watch football on the weekend, play video games and normally decide what movies we watch. I feel that she puts up with a lot and that I could maybe do more to help her now that we live together. I am happy to do more cleaning and cooking but sometimes feel that I don’t pull my weight.

Just remember any issues you have with your girlfriend when you move in together, she is probably having similar ones about you.