Sick and tired of bland top 10’s full of paid for product placements? Me too.
Carry on for my look at the alternative top 10’s of Bangkok. By the way there’s no pictures in this article, sorry about that if you like that kind of thing I just couldn’t really be bothered to take any as I’m not getting paid to write this.
Top 10 Bangkok Cafes
Who honestly chooses to go to cafes? I’ll go to one if my girlfriend drags me along or I’m in desperate need of Wi-Fi. If you really have to go then check out these AMAZING cafes.
10. Amazon Cafe – You can make the hilarious joke that you’re in the rain forest.
9. That one with the fake brick wallpaper – Fake brick wallpaper looks great and you’ll spend ages rubbing it and thinking “wow it looks like real bricks but it isn’t!”. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it’ll look great if you do that in your house, I tried it and it looks shit.
8. The one with all the cats – I think cats are probably like children – you like them more if they’re your own. Even so there is nothing like paying over the top for sub-standard coffee and cakes only to see a cat crapping next to the espresso machine and coming out with a coat of fur.
7. The Instagram cafe – Instagram is fantastic (I should really get around to signing up for an account…) so any cafe that calls itself an Instagram cafe must be great. Some people say cafes which call themselves Instagram cafes do so to distract from the fact that their coffee is crap, ignore these people and pay 300 baht for a cappuccino and a lovely pot plant on your table.
6. The digital nomad / shared work space cafe – Rolls off the tongue right? Anywhere you can make literally millions of dollars whilst drinking tap water has got to be worth a visit?
5. The place where the owner used to be a CEO and decided to change their life to give back (and charge a lot for average coffee). – We should all try to support the dream of millionaires who’ve decided to take a step back and work in a cafe (at least until they get bored then hire a few people to take over actually doing the work).
4. The bored housewife’s cafe – She’s been given a million baht by hubby and was told to start a business. She was thinking of a salon as well but cafe won on the heads/tails coin toss. Go there now as she’ll lose interest in it soon and see the other 30 million cafes nearby which closed down did so because there really is no demand for another cafe in the area.
3. The place where another business had a bit of spare space so thought “screw it let’s open a cafe” – Inside the grounds of a scrap yard or next to the delivery area of a 7-Eleven is the perfect place for a cafe – go there, now!
2. The place where all the staff are on their phones – you know that place where the staff are literally too cool to serve you so you should just have to sit there and wait for them to finish their phone time.
1. The place with three tables and 35 customers – More people inside means a cafe is great. The place with three small tables and and a queue of people waiting to drink there is DEFINITELY worth waiting for. In fact if the queue isn’t too long wait until it is bigger and come back for a more authentic experience.
Top 10 Bangkok Restaurants
Bangkok is a foodies paradise. Street food is a key part of the culture and for 40 baht you can get mouth-watering tasty eats. Or, you can get KFC for 89 baht, your choice.
10. That place in every shopping mall – It’s in every shopping mall so it has to be good right. Even better play a game and try and visit every branch and eat a different dish at every one.
9. That place with the loud music – Nothing is better than being at a restaurant where the volume is up to 11 on the scale. You’ll get to communicate with the people at your table by sending messages on LINE as they can’t hear you when you scream at them. For the best experience go there at 5pm when nobody else is there and you’ll have the place to yourself and the music will sound even louder, great!
8. The place which used to be a mortuary and still has the original furniture – the chance to eat off the slabs where dead bodies used to be stored is something nobody could pass up. There are blood stains on the floor and a certain smell coming out of the kitchen which will keep you on your toes.
7. The place your Thai colleague’s aunt’s best friend runs – This place is one of the best restaurants in Bangkok as you’ll tell your colleague (mainly because saying otherwise will put you in the dog house).
6. The place where the waiter or waitress just stands at your table until you order – The waiting team are so dedicated that they won’t leave your table until you’ve ordered, even if there’s a fire, they need to cough or even if you tell them to piss off and come back in two minutes. Make sure you tip highly to honor the service of these fine people.
5. The place where the staff will only communicate with your Thai partner even if you speak Thai with them – The staff at this place know that us farangs just want to sit and get our beer and have our Thai partners pick out some (not too spicy) dishes for us. Fair play to these staff who make expats life’s easier.
4. The place where every table is a different shape, style and color – Choose from a table made from an oil drum, an old sewing machine or a Black & Decker workbench. Just to make things more quirky all the chairs will have one leg shorter than the rest and be a bit too low for where you’re sitting. It’s all part of the experience though so go enjoy it NOW!
3. That place run by some person from outside Thailand – OMG! the chef isn’t Thai this WILL be a dining experience you’ll never forget.
2. That place with “Fusion” in the name – We all know that standard food is old news and doesn’t make for interesting Facebook updates. You NEED to go fusion to make an impression on social media. Thai-Italian, Greek-Nepalese, Brazilian-Swedish I just don’t know how to choose my fave!
1. That place with 65 menus – We all know more is better right? Well this place has one individual menu for every dish on the available. Each menu is a different style – one based on a newspaper, another from an Etch a Sketch and the most original presented as a dance by the waiting team. Your table is big, let’s fill it with menus!
I was going to do the top 10 bars but I’ll save that for another day perhaps.
Let me know if I missed any gems out of my list.
