Should you integrate into Thai culture when living here? Personally I’m not too fussed about 100% integration but others argue that you have to try and fully immerse yourself in the country to get the most out of your time here.
I recently interviewed 13 expats about their life in Thailand for my book, Settling in Thailand, and there was a question asking them how much they have integrated into Thai society. The responses varied from not at all through to an almost complete integration.
Those who answered that they had almost fully integrated into Thai culture said it had been a mainly positive experience. They had learned the language and been accepted by locals. It was interesting that most of these people live outside tourist areas. They were located in small villages and as such couldn’t be involved in their own culture as much as those based in busier towns and cities.
One respondent in my interviews said, rather bluntly, that you aren’t Thai so you shouldn’t worry yourself with integrating into Thai society too much. A lot of these people who hadn’t integrated into Thai society were based in offices in Bangkok and didn’t have much interaction with Thai people outside of the work environment. Also, in general, those less bothered about integrating into Thai culture had been living in Thailand for under 6 years.
A Little Goes a Long Way
In the end I’m not Thai. I will never fully understand or be accustomed to Thai culture. Sure I’ll understand things and pick up more as I go along but I’ll never be Thai. In the same way Thai people will never be able to become fully immersed in your culture.
A Thai person might read about the importance of a father throwing a baseball with their kid or about TV shows in the UK but they weren’t there to experience them, it wasn’t how they were brought up. It’s the same with foreigners here. You can read, see and discuss but it wasn’t something you were brought up with.
You’ve got to accept that when it comes to culture, a little goes a long way. You are who you are and whilst you can learn, there will always be little things you either don’t get, don’t understand or won’t have the same feelings for as a Thai person.
You can make the effort to learn the language but then Thai people might use slang or dialects you don’t understand. You might be talking with your Thai colleagues and they start discussing Thai songs from years ago and you’ll be left on the sidelines.
You should be happy if you can speak a bit of the language, understand the importance of celebrations in Thailand and know how to behave in social situations here. I don’t think any Thai person would expect you to adhere 100% to their culture. Like most things in life it’s all about give and take.
Relationships and Family
Some people argue that you should jump fully into Thai life for the benefit of your Thai family. Personally I feel that there should be a two way thing going on here. In a relationship or with family you should be able to accept each-other’s culture. If meeting with older Thai family members you may find yourself having to follow Thai culture whereas with younger people they may be more open to your culture.
Sin-Sod (dowry) is a part of Thai culture. In Britain the tradition is that the bride’s family pay for a wedding. What should happen if a British person marries a Thai woman? Probably just laugh off the situation and call it quits I’d say. It’s a meeting in the middle of cultures. It’s sensible right?
Being in a relationship with two cultures, or having kids with Thai / Foreigner parents is a great thing. Both cultures should be embraced, not forced on someone. I hear so many foreigners saying things about raising children in Thailand which are disrespectful to their Thai partner. They seem to forget that their Thai partner was raised in a Thai way and they must have turned out OK if the foreigner decided to be with them! In the same way a foreign partner’s ideas and values should be accepted by their Thai family.
With most of the younger Thai / Foreigner relationships I know of in Thailand there seems to be more of a leaning towards embracing the foreigners culture. Most of these couples speak in English for a start. There is more of an understanding of foreign cultures here and it seems easier for these couples to live in a more western way. On the flip side older couples seem to find it easier to live in a Thai way.
In the end if either partner’s culture is causing serious issues then the relationship is doomed. The only way to get around this is to accept both cultures.
Full Integration – It’s Not Worth It
In the end for me the effort it would take to fully integrate into Thai society is not worth it and to be honest I don’t really want to. I don’t mind having a chat with Thai people (in English or Thai) but I’m not here looking to have a complete Thai life or only Thai friends.
When it comes to language I don’t feel my life will benefit from spending years learning Thai. I can get by and understand things but being able to discuss the exact angle my new dishwasher drain pipe needs to be isn’t something I need to know in Thai. A pre-intermediate level is good enough for me.
I know about the special holidays in Thailand and what they are basically about. I don’t want to spend hours learning about the historical impacts and cultural differences about these celebrations. It’s a religious day that’s great, it’s an old king’s birthday, that’s all I need to know.
I know and eat a lot of Thai food. However, I don’t need to be a walking cook book with a knowledge of every Thai dish and it’s regional variations.
I’m not someone who will go round talking to every Thai person I meet. I don’t need to know about the lives of people in the middle of nowhere as I don’t live there and probably we wouldn’t have much interesting to talk about.
Maybe I sound a bit blunt but in the end I think the idea of accepting the culture, learning about it as I go and speaking a bit of the language is fair enough. I’m not a culture vulture who will change how I live. Previously I lived in London with people from all around the world. We all had our own cultures and got along fine, the same can happen here in Bangkok.
Embracing Your Own Culture
I’ve had problems before in relationships when it’s come to culture. Going to the pub to watch the football with friends is part of British culture but it caused my Thai girlfriend to stress out. The issue is that it’s a part of life that I don’t want to give up. We needed to talk through things to understand it better. In the same ways my girlfriend will give money to her brother even though he just spends it on god knows what. I struggle with that big time but understand she feels she needs to help him.
The point is you need to embrace your own culture. It’ll keep you sane. Living in the middle of nowhere might be your idea of a dream (not mine!) but you should still find a way to do the things you like. This could be getting the football on the TV, watching your favorite TV shows or cooking food from back home. I’m sure there are a select few foreigners here in Thailand who can live in a 100% Thai way but most of us need those reminders of where we’re from.
You shouldn’t need to apologize for your culture. There are plenty of ways to be true to yourself. Look at the major cities of the world and many of them have multiple cultures on show. Don’t think that as you’re in Thailand you must live the Thai way.
Should You Integrate Into Thai Culture?
In the end it’s your call. If you feel your true calling is to live like a Thai person and understand all their traditions then go for it. If you’re here for just a short time then don’t worry too much. If your partner can’t accept your culture then you probably need to find someone new.
Personally I’m happy working in an international environment, speaking English and a bit of Thai. I’m happy to eat in a British pub, American diner or a local Thai restaurant. I’m happy hanging out with friends from all over the world. I’m happy to live here in Bangkok. Finally, I’m happy with how much I’ve integrated, enough to live well, communicate and enjoy life without changing who I am.
