I make plans to meet my Thai girlfriend at the mall. She’s a freelance English tutor and teaches in one of the coffee shops there. Normally her classes overrun so I arrive and order a drink and sit at the table next to her. At the end of her class she says hello and invites me to meet her student.
Her student is called Pim and although I’ve never met her I’ve heard quite a bit about her. The reason I know who she is is because of the stories I’ve heard about her. She’s learning English because she thinks Asian men don’t have enough money to look after her.
She’s had several boyfriends from Japan, Korea and Taiwan but none of them have had enough to keep her happy. She feels a European or American guy will be able to satisfy her financial demands. Pim’s 24 and whilst I initially felt she was greedy it turns out after a 15 minute chat I feel she’s maybe just really innocent.
To highlight this we all finish our drinks, Pim pays for her’s and my girlfriend pays for mine and her own. Pim suddenly goes into rapid Thai with a look of shock and disgust on her face. I let her and my girlfriend chat for a minute or two and we say our goodbyes to Pim. I ask what it’s all about and it turns out Pim can’t believe that I hadn’t paid for everyone’s drink (the three of us not just mine and my girlfriend’s).
I Expect Not To Pay - Or I Dump Him
Pim said that if she was out with a guy, or a girlfriend and his partner, she expects the man to pay for everything. A bottle of water from 7-Eleven or a gourmet meal it makes no difference. If she’s expected to pay for something then she just wont go out. She would rather stay at home than be out with a man who might want her to pay for something.
Her last three boyfriends have been dumped for this reason. She was either expected to pay her own way, contribute or was told she wasn’t getting money that month. All of these were acceptable reasons on her part to end a relationship.
One guy had flown her to Korea and paid for a lot of surgery (more on this later) but wouldn’t pay for more and that was the end of that. Another guy was sending her 80,000 baht a month then when it went down to 40,000 baht for a couple of months she told him enough was enough and they couldn’t be together anymore.
As I said before I think this kind of attitude is terrible when it comes to money but I still feel that Pim is just really innocent.
The Innocent
As I said Pim seemed really nice and my girlfriend has taught her for a few months and feels the same too. She is quite normal, has a part time job and studies a lot. The problem is she has these thoughts and opinions on money which are really outdated and they seem to come from her mother.
She said previously that her mum told her that men should always pay. There is no excuse for a man not to pay for something if his partner wants it. She seems to have been brainwashed about this and feels it applies to everyone. Pim knows that I’m English and she isn’t afraid to ask my girlfriend questions about dating a guy from the UK. When my girlfriend said I don’t give her a monthly allowance, treat her to shopping sprees and take care of her rent Pim looked at her with a pitying look and said “Awww”. Pim actually felt that my girlfriend was being mis-treated because she had to pay for things herself.
Pim does work part time in an office in Thong Lor so she isn’t sitting round all day on her ass waiting for cash. She is learning English and German right now so is investing in her future (so someone else can invest in her admittedly…). She has massive fake boobs and a lot of facial surgery which means she gets stared at a lot. She complains to my girlfriend that guys stare at her and she doesn’t know why. I feel she is just sheltered and has been brainwashed about how to act around men by her mum.
She’s the sort of person who you could have a nice conversation with and date a few times. The problem would be when you’re at the park and she shouts to get your attention to pay for a 9 baht bottle of water from 7-Eleven. Pim is looking for love, I believe that, but she is misguided and will really struggle to get what she really wants without changing her attitude.
The Not-So Innocent
So what’s the difference between Pim and someone who isn’t so innocent? You could argue that there’s not a lot between them as they are all looking for money from men. In my opinion Pim isn’t doing this to take advantage of someone, she feels it is normal whilst for some other Thai people it is a profession to get as much money as possible just for the money.
We’ve all heard about the Nigerian romance scam but similar things happen with Thai women asking for money. One of the women in the first condo I lived in in Bangkok was doing pretty much this. Her name was Ploy and she was probably in her early thirties. She had a boyfriend from Australia, another from Holland and a third in Colorado. She said she was getting money from each of them and as such wasn’t working. She was getting over 100,000 baht a month from doing this and could control it as the guys were in different time zones and she scheduled when they visited Thailand.
I met Ploy in the restaurant at the condo where a group of people would hang out and drink after work. Ploy was an interesting person to talk to as she was really open about this and bragged about how much she could get from men. In the past she was getting closer to 250,000 baht a month but now she has to ask for less as she’s older! She has two wedding dress shops in the south of Thailand and a half ownership of a coffee shop all from the proceeds of her monthly income from overseas. She was blunt about this and told me that she does it for the money, she has no love for these guys, it’s an act, a job for her.
Why Do Guys Give Money?
I’ve never really understood why people would give money to someone just for the sake of it. Everyone is capable of working and earning at least some cash. Everyone is capable of paying for a bottle of water or a snack.The women I’m talking about aren’t prostitutes, they are normal people.
In the end if you choose to give your partner 20,000, 50,000 or 100,000 baht a month that’s your call. Personally that isn’t how I’d live my life or want a relationship to go but perhaps some men are brainwashed into believing that’s how it should be.
It's Not The Norm In Thailand
Thankfully women asking for money is not the norm here in Thailand despite what you read. The sensationalist stories create interest but these days women are working and earning more in the past. They aren’t relying on foreigners for money. Indeed I know of many relationships where the Thai partner is earning considerably more than their foreign partner.
If someone is asking you for money for the sake of it then something is wrong and it’s a relationship you probably shouldn’t be in.
Of course there is nothing wrong with helping a partner and I’m not saying you should always split costs. Treat each-other to meals out or drinks, buy a gift for your partner or contribute towards things if you want. Just have a bit of sense when doing it.
Well, if you’re dating a bar girl or another lady with poor job prospects from the northeast who can’t make 15,000 baht a month to support her parents , possibly children etc what do you expect ? This kind of thing was the norm in western societies until a few generations ago as well. You need to pay or watch them suffer and lose face or accept while they take a job in “entertainment “… it’s just the way it is, unfortunately.