One of our most popular articles in Thai is what Thai women need to know about having a foreign boyfriend. I thought it’s only fair to write an English equivalent showing what you should know about having a Thai partner.
Like all our articles here we don’t focus on bar girls or old stereotypes so the following is based on having a Thai partner these days.
Cultural Issues
One of the biggest obstacles to a successful relationship with a Thai partner are the many cultural issues you’ll face. These could be things which annoy you or your partner. The key to avoiding these is to accept them or at least to understand them.
If your Thai partner sends money to family who don’t work or wants to wake up early to go to the temple then let it slide if it annoys you. In the same way your obsession with sport or going out drinking with your mates when you said you’d be home will probably bug your Thai partner.
Language is a big cultural issues. Most Thai-foreigner relationships I know of use English to communicate. Some Thai women have fantastic English but, even so, language can still create misunderstandings. It isn’t always easy to really express yourself in a foreign language and on the other hand it isn’t easy to explain something simply all the time.
In Thailand families are important. They are much more important than in many western countries. You may find your partner has to prioritize her family over you on occasions. You could also find yourself being invited to events you have no interest going to but having to because of family pressure. It’s something you need to discuss with your partner, how much you want to be involved with their family at what stage of your relationship.
If you plan to get married and are asked about sin sod then again stand your ground and don’t feel obligated. It’s not a law and if its a deal breaker with your partner then it would be a huge red flag for me. I always say that the tradition in England is for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding and that always shocks Thai women who believe in sin sod.
However, there are cultural issues which will affect your Thai partner. The idea of saying you are going out with friends won’t cause problems but time keeping might. If you say you’re going out for a bit but it turns into a long time it can cause tension. Again this is partly an issue with language as these days more Thai women do drink and in some cases do more so than Thai men!
Discuss cultural issues with your partner and explain why they are important or molehills will turn into mountains…
Money
I wrote a pretty big article called “Money Issues With Your Thai Partner” which is worth a read. As such I’ll just summarize the main points below.
Whilst there may be unequal earnings in your relationship there is no reason why you should feel obligated to give your Thai partner money. The large majority of younger, educated Thai women are not looking for a payday. If you pick up a woman from a bar that’s different. In the end if money is a big deal for someone then they are not really into the relationship and it’s probably time to call it off.
More and more Thai women are going to university and working in good jobs. There is no reason your Thai girlfriend can’t work if she is physically able to. These days university graduates can get jobs with salaries of 20,000 baht a month plus. It might not sound a lot to you but it is more than enough for them to live on. There are also Thai women making more than foreign men from legitimate jobs. I know of four such relationships here in Thailand where a Thai woman makes more than the foreign man.
When dating it isn’t uncommon for younger Thai women to offer to split the bill. It’s up to you if you want to accept it or not. When in a relationship I feel there’s no harm in doing this and treating each other. The old expression that Thai women treat foreigners as ATMs is outdated, these days Thai women are happy to split or help out if they are serious and able to.
When it comes to trips, gifts and daily outings then it’s your call and of course if you plan to travel abroad you will probably end up shouldering more of the costs than your Thai partner if they earn less than you.
In general, when it comes to money be sensible and don’t feel obligated.
Living Together
Another popular story is that over time a Thai partner will move in without you realizing. They’ll sneak things into your place overtime and it’s impossible to get rid of them. Again I’m calling bullshit on this.
In my experience Thai women are quite reluctant to move in with their foreign partner if they are from a good background. Family pressure means a lot of Thai people are expected to live with their families until they are married. When you have been together for a good period of time it is possible, even before marriage.
Living with a Thai partner is pretty similar to living with any other nationality in general. There are maybe a key few differences to look for which might change your routine.
You’ll probably have to get used to watching movies and series with subtitles which can be a bit annoying. Even if your partner has a high level of English she will struggle with Game of Thrones or the Matrix without some help with the language. Also, if you’re really unlucky you’ll have to put up with watching Thai TV from time to time. It’s a good excuse to take up a new hobby to avoid those shows though!
I’ve actually found most Thai women I’ve dated are not good at cooking. They don’t get the same experience of living alone as most foreigners do and as such it isn’t necessary for them to learn how to make more than simple dishes.. I’m not a great chef but I’m better than a lot of Thai women. Sure in restaurants you’ll find great female chefs but a lot of professional, younger Thai women have very little interest in learning how to cook. also be prepared to wait before eating for the madatory food selfies..
Looks, Stares and Reactions
Needless to say a foreign guy with a Thai partner will get stared at from time to time. This intensifies in tourist locations and outside Thailand. If there is an obvious age difference there will be even more glances from others. If you have a baby with your Thai partner then you’ll be stared and approached by hundreds of people a day!
If you’re living in a big city or town in Thailand then people won’t really bat an eyelid. I’ve found if you go to places like Phi Phi Island, Koh Tao or Phuket then you get stared at a lot more by foreign tourists than in Bangkok. Some of them will probably think your partner is a gold digger or a prostitute. Some people might even say something or have a laugh at your expense. In the end I’ve not had anything nasty said to me but I’ve heard it from others.
Taking my Thai girlfriend on vacation to other countries got us far more stares. Nepal and India were probably the worst so far.
In the end it’s something that’ll happen and you’ll get used to it after a while.
